On Vacay

I think I've figured out something about pedals that is actually revolutionary: I'm a sad writer. Ok, well maybe I'll have to explain. I've been writing for years and the one thing that most of the pieces have in common is that they are sad in nature. I've just realized that when I'm the happiest I've ever been, I seldom speak on it. I assume that this is simply the fact that I'm distracted. I'll be back soon...

To my cousin...

I can't believe it's been two years already. I find myself unable to fall asleep thinking of what today really is. I have been thinking of you so much these last few days. Thinking of how you called me days before the surgery to talk about plans you had for the future, including plans to start a family at 27. I just find it so hard to accept that God had other plans for you. I know that our plans come secondary to God's, but I don't understand how he could've taken you from us.
I remember your kindergarten graduation like it was yesterday. I cried like a baby over the fact that you were leaving me behind. You never let me forget it either! Who knows how many times you reminded me of that day. I remember our dads coming in really late one 4th of July and waking us up so that they could show us how not to do fireworks!
I can't type these memories without shedding tears. I miss you so much! I miss seeing you smile everytime you came around. I can't think of a single time seeing you angry. You were always so cheerful, sometimes saying the weirdest things.
When you had the stroke and I came to the hospital to visit you, I knew it was serious, but I was more thinking of the fact that you were young and would bounce back. The whole tome I'm visiting with, and in subsequent conversations, I'm pushing for you to get the surgery. I remember you telling me that you were scared, but I just knew that was the cure-all. I can't help but think that you knew something that we didn't, and that you wanted another year or so with us.
I could go on forever but what I really want to express is how much I love you and miss you!

Renewal

As of today is to strive to be the best me that I can be. I am going after the impossible and striving for nothing less than perfection. I want to be the woman that I know I am capable of being. I want to be the complete package in anyone's eyes when they see me.


Give me some time and I'll become a butterfly.

Blah...

Lately I'm having trouble determining what really matters, aside from the obvious of course.  Life has gone nothing like I planned for it to go immediately following my high school graduation.  I never dreamed that I would be one of the girls to had a child out of wedlock, but I did.  I never dreamed that I would make such poor relationship choices, but I have.  I would never have guessed that I would not have earned a degree of some sort by now, but I haven't.  In my life I've made so many left turns that sometimes I sometimes question the purpose of it all.  Will there be some huge prize for me once it's all over, or will it all be for nothing other than the amusement of others?  I try to remember that failure isn't an option, but what exactly am I trying to accomplish?  Really, what's the purpose?  I get a degree, get into my career, (maybe get married), and work until I eventually retire?  Then what?

I guess I'm just having an interesting week.  Maybe I'll be a little bit more optimistic tomorrow. 

Simple Fix

I guess it's only fair to say that no one told me life would be easy.  In my defense, no one told me that life would be so hard. 


I never thought that I would have people in my life that I would consider friends, and more, only to lose them over lies.  To start, I have no respect for liars.  Furthermore, I despise any coward that lies on me.  I look at it this way, if someone can fabricate any lie about you to get your name in trash, that's a person that you most definitely shouldn't be around.  Lying takes effort.  Although it may not always require a lot of effort, it still means that someone thought you were important enough to create some bs story about you, and reveal it.  This person is a snake in the grass- waiting to attack you at any point, inject you with its venom, and leave you for dead.  


There is one solution to the liar's game: Point them out every time, but never run away from them.  Look the liar dead in his face, and squash him!  


There is a liar somewhere very close to you right now, and unfortunately there always will be.  You may not associate with him, but he is fairly familiar with you.  Unfortunately for the liar, he doesn't know you at all.  If he had, he would have hear about your Simple Fix and kept your name out of his mouth!


"The trouble with lying and deceiving is that their efficiency depends entirely upon a clear notion of the truth that the liar and deceiver wishes to hide. In this sense, truth, even if it does not prevail in public, possesses an ineradicable primacy over
all falsehoods." ~ Hannah Arendt

Feelings...

What is this feeling that I can't explain?
This feeling, that I'm feeling you so hard.
Is this really love, or am I just insane?
Whatever it is, it was there from the start.
It happened almost suddenly, I admit
Possibly the very moment you approached
Didn't take long at all before I was hit
And my curiosity you alone provoked.
Could this be love, or something less?
I'm more than willing to risk it all
With you I don't feel like I have to guess
I know you'd answer my call.

Not Needed

You don't have to tell me that I'm pretty~
I knew that all along.
You don't have to say that I make you smile~
I do that for myself.
You don't have to tell me that I'm special~
I was born that way.
You don't have to say that I'm all you need~
I'm enough for myself.
You don't have to tell me that you love me~
I love me.
You don't have to say that I mean the world to you~
I know I never will...