Feelings...

What is this feeling that I can't explain?
This feeling, that I'm feeling you so hard.
Is this really love, or am I just insane?
Whatever it is, it was there from the start.
It happened almost suddenly, I admit
Possibly the very moment you approached
Didn't take long at all before I was hit
And my curiosity you alone provoked.
Could this be love, or something less?
I'm more than willing to risk it all
With you I don't feel like I have to guess
I know you'd answer my call.

Not Needed

You don't have to tell me that I'm pretty~
I knew that all along.
You don't have to say that I make you smile~
I do that for myself.
You don't have to tell me that I'm special~
I was born that way.
You don't have to say that I'm all you need~
I'm enough for myself.
You don't have to tell me that you love me~
I love me.
You don't have to say that I mean the world to you~
I know I never will...

My Kind

The past few days, I've been thinking a lot about something that was said to me. I was told that I needed to stick with my own kind.  Naturally, I took the comment offensively coming from someone of  a different race.  Even more offensively was the fact this came from someone that I thought actually gave a damn about my feelings.  Well, after careful consideration of the context of this particular conversation that took place weeks ago, I can only wonder what my kind is.  Since it has been on my mind so much lately, I came up with a few things that this person could have been referring to, aside from the obvious.  It made me feel a little bit better considering the fact that I never considered myself to be some foreign alien species.  In no certain order, here goes...






My KIND:


attractive
bold 
assertive
outgoing
bright
daring
healthy
happy 
mommy
Christian
well-spoken
outspoken
brave
honest
independent
intelligent
open-minded
hopeful
persistent
trustworthy
dependable 
opinionated
HUMAN


So, how about that?

Flawed Me

I really can't apologize for not living up to the expectations of others. I can only be who I am. I can't ask anyone to ignore my many flaws. I can only ask that my flaws are accepted, only if I am considered worthy of acceptance. I can't expect everyone to understand me. I can't expect everyone to appreciate me. I can't expect anyone to acknowledge me. I don't expect anyone to want to spend an eternity with me...Just when I think I may be worth the investment, I'm reminded of who I really am: __________. Fill in the blank.

Distance as a Guard

I just woke up with the realization that I probably come off as a distant person.  The sad thing is that it's not intentional.  This came from several attempts at putting myself out there, and ending up disappointed in the end.  I don't want to put it all on the line, and receive that heart-break that so often follows.  From my experience, it seems to be that when someone knows how important he or she really is to you, the next step is to push you to your limit to find out just how much he or she means.  This person truly believes that you can't live without his or her presence in your life.  I promised myself that I would never give that impression again because ultimately two people end up disappointed- myself for wasting my time, and that individual because I'll only take so much.  If I leave with nothing else, I'll leave with my sanity and self-respect.

Whatever

Because so so many people have hangups when it comes to being brutally honest, I wish there was some sort of meter that could be read on every individual's head to show how frustrated they actually are. I junk this would be more useful than we realize. Suppose you're hanging with your boyfriend/girlfriend, and they look only a little frustrated with you. Well, in actuality, they're downright sick of you, and just don't know how to tell you without hurting your feelings. If only they had some type of meter, you would be able to stop complaining about your experiences at work, or your sister's boyfriend, and immediately stop rambling before they get up and walk away without saying a word. I'm just saying...

My Industrial Piercing

While I do appreciate gradual change, from my experiences, so many good things have come to me as a result of abrupt decision making.  I can think of quite a few things, but I'll touch on that later.  What is pressing at this moment is my decision to get an industrial piercing.  Wow, me and my rash decisions! 

I remember a few months ago, walking into what must be my favorite tattoo shop (as this is the third service they've provided for me), and speaking with this guy about the piercing that I thought would make me look so much better with my new hair style.  He explained the healing process, how to properly care for the piercing and exactly what I was not to do as a means of properly healing.  With that, he conveniently included an instruction sheet and two small bags of sea salt for cleaning.  I left the tattoo shop feeling like a new person that day, with absolutely no pain at all. 

Days go by and I'm looking good with my new hairstyle, new piercing, new look all together.  Then, I begin to notice a small bump on one of the piercing sites.  No good at all!!!  Along with the bump, I'm also unable to rotate the piercing as freely as I had been.  So  what's the problem?  Because I've got several ear piercings, and a few tattoos, I knew there was absolutely no way I could have a keloid.  Well, with that in mind, I quickly referred to my best friend, Google.  I then found out that the same thing had happened to many people.  FYI: My best friend rarely lets me down.  Well, next I found out how to care for it, and then what may have caused it.  This is where it gets interesting.  I found out that the bump, called a hypertrophic scar, could be caused by not properly cleaning the piercing or trauma.  Well, there was no doubt that I was cleaning the piercing properly, it only required sea salt soaks.  But I could not think of a single time that my ear had received some type of trauma.  Well, after about a week of this new process added to my cleaning routine, that including a lot of burning, it finally hit me:  I sleep on my side, the side that I got the piercing on!  No problem, I'll just sleep on my left side instead...Well, unfortunately that didn't work.  So how about my back?  This worked out so much better.  In fact, with the extra treatment process, the bump went away fairly quickly.  So, with that said, why am I making such a big deal out of this now?  I have discovered that it is absolutely impossible for me to sleep on my back, or any other way without waking up on my comfortable left side.  Unfortunately for me, my discovery came with a price: another hideous bump!!!

My sad ear.

Well...

Let me rethink that last post...

As of right now

I gave away my heart, despite the fact that I said I'd never do it again.

I fell for someone almost instantly, and can't explain how it all began.

He takes my breath away without even knowing.

He makes me feel...

When I'm around him it's as if I'm glowing,

He makes me feel...
hmm...

He makes me think...
better yet,
He makes me KNOW...
That I'm in LOVE!

...to be continued...


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